“Dick Jones – Fart Interpreter”…

…My new career awaits – who knew?  DJ:  “Detective, in answer to your query, Mr. Sykes claims to live on 1313 Sparrow Fart Lane – next question…”

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-41950775

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In Light Of…

…all the recent discussions/allegations/accusations/admissions & denials about sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, and sexual assault by virtually EVERYONE who can SPELL “Hollywood”, Dick Jones invites you to caption this photo:

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Another Harvey Weinstein Sexual Assault Victim…

…comes forward; this particular “individual” may have been the victim of the MOST oft-repeated assaults by Mr. Weinstein. Specifically, it’s Harvey Weinstein’s right hand. You read it here first – “Mr. Hand”, as he prefers to be called, claims repeated, humiliating, and shameless non-consensual sexual abuse by Mr. Weinstein dating back to the late 1950’s! Prior to this, he has been reluctant to come forward and be heard, claiming that, while he has indeed been a victim more times and for a longer period than anyone else who has come forward to-date, Mr. Hand indicates that each individual act of abuse was both “short in time”, and quite unobtrusive in terms of “penetration”. Authorities are investigating Mr. Hand’s claims, but indicate that there “may be something” to Mr. Hand’s claim; stay tuned, fair readers!

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A Crushing Story!”

Please join Dick Jones in crying (crocodile) tears at the passing of this Macho Big Game Hunter – hopefully his head wasn’t damaged and can be saved for mounting on the family of the dead elephant’s wall in THEIR “trophy room”:

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/theunis-botha-big-game-hunter-10473910

Dick Jones would like to thank his Irish drinking buddy, fellow animal lover, ancestor to a Viking, and honorary dirty Hungarian gypsy-to-be for alerting him to this story!