This guy’s dance card is ALREADY starting to fill up!

Happy 2018, loyal readers! Dick Jones would like to introduce you to one of THE most popular new prisoners to be “loosed” (pun intended) into the genital (pun intended) prison population – coming to an institution near you: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-42811304  This guy’s rectum is gonna be busier than a Penn Station turnstyle at rush hour, doncha know…

Good old Larry “Loose Anus” Nassar – I can just hear the prison population discussing his merits now: “Yeah, Larry didn’t give too good of a blow job when he first got here – but after we punched all those pesky teeth out – now that mouth of his is SO scha-weet! He ever’body’s bee-atch, uh hunh…”

The line forms to the REAR, fellas – there’s room for ALL of you, so no need to fight amongst yourselves! Dick Jones just LOVES “a happy end-ing”!

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“The Island Of Lost Lechers”

Here’s a new screenplay idea under development by Dick Jones – I predict an INSTANT Horror Classic!

The year: 2020.  The place: A formerly deserted island within The Bermuda Triangle which, beginning in 2018, became home to the likes of Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Kevin Spacey, Al Franken, Louis C.K., Dustin Hoffman, Jeremy Piven, Brett Ratner, Chris Savino, Steven Seagal, Russell Simmons, Tom Sizemore, Jeffrey Tambor, George Takei, James Toback, Matthew Weiner, Ed Westwick, Stephen Blackwell, Mark Halperin, Garrison Keillor, Michael Oreskes, Roy Price, Geraldo Rivera, Charlie Rose, Glenn Thrush, George H.W. Bush, John Conyers, Michael Fallon, Bill Cosby, and even Roy Moore, with his tiny little gun – all exiled here in shame following allegations of sexual assault, misconduct, and inappropriate behavior.  In a touch of bitter irony, a FedEx jet loaded with a shipment of Viagra, bound for the EU due to “performance issues” (not) arising from all the bad press and resultant pressure on the male of the species, crashed there in 2019…

In a FURTHER touch of the seemingly bitter irony that plagues the World now, a large contingency of women led by Diane Feinstein, all aboard a luxury steamship bound for a celebratory European vacation, finds themselves shipwrecked on said island as the result of severe weather brought about by the global warming epidemic.  If THIS isn’t a horror story of GLOBAL magnitude, then Dick Jones is a Hungarian House Boy…

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Dick Jones Has Seen The Future…

…here it is, Kids – The Future of movies, television, politics, and even “romance”; in a word: Robots!  With a robot in the chair as your favorite news anchor, actor, or politician, there will be no more sexual harassment accusations!  I mean – fire a ROBOT?!  Not gonna happen!  After all, 99% of the firings now are absolute HEARSAY (or heresy; maybe both) – robots will be WAY cheaper than the buyouts that big corporations & individuals are having to pay out/pay off at the mere MENTION of “he did this to me 152 years ago – I have no PROOF, but it DID happen as *I* remember it!”

From there, it’s a hop, skip & a jump to robotic surrogate husbands/wives/lovers – Dick Jones has already reserved www.surrogaterobot.com in preparation…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45PgwV6dlLs

 

A GOOD politician…

…is willing to “change his stance” on the issues – apparently THIS politician changed HIS stance to a more “accepting” one – Dick Jones would give him a “thumbs up”, but then he wouldn’t be the FIRST person to do so:  http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/gop-state-legislator-quits-after-having-sex-with-a-man/ar-BBF3ARd?li=BBnbfcL

Dick Jones has it on good authority that this particular (ex)politician is on his way to the county courthouse as you read this – $50 later his new name will be “Ben Dover”.  Congratulations – your new moniker suits you!

In Light Of…

…all the recent discussions/allegations/accusations/admissions & denials about sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, and sexual assault by virtually EVERYONE who can SPELL “Hollywood”, Dick Jones invites you to caption this photo:

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Another Harvey Weinstein Sexual Assault Victim…

…comes forward; this particular “individual” may have been the victim of the MOST oft-repeated assaults by Mr. Weinstein. Specifically, it’s Harvey Weinstein’s right hand. You read it here first – “Mr. Hand”, as he prefers to be called, claims repeated, humiliating, and shameless non-consensual sexual abuse by Mr. Weinstein dating back to the late 1950’s! Prior to this, he has been reluctant to come forward and be heard, claiming that, while he has indeed been a victim more times and for a longer period than anyone else who has come forward to-date, Mr. Hand indicates that each individual act of abuse was both “short in time”, and quite unobtrusive in terms of “penetration”. Authorities are investigating Mr. Hand’s claims, but indicate that there “may be something” to Mr. Hand’s claim; stay tuned, fair readers!

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