The Goddess Of Battery Failures, Part Deux…

Soooo…Sleeping like a dead baby this AM, when the GOD-DAMNED smoke detector (one of about 12 “detectors” that we have in this house – between smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, methane gas detectors, leaking water heater detectors, and full litterbox alert detectors; all of which are required BY LAW here in Kalifornia) that was UPSTAIRS (read: “Bring a Ladder, Shithead!”) started alerting us to its “Low Battery” status – at 4:38AM!

I say again: “Why do these MOTHER FUCKING PIECES OF CHEEN-WA SHIT never EVER start begging for battery replacement during a man’s WAKING HOURS I wanna know?! It’s on the kitchen counter now, waiting for me to WIRE BRUSH the fucking CHINESE metal contacts, which are ALREADY corroded to a nice green patina due to the fact that the metallurgy/plating that they use over there is fucking SHITE! It’s less than a year old, for the record.

Instead of all the “Our smoke detector saved our LIVES!” testimonials, how ‘bout “That God-Damned low battery alert on our smoke detector caused my middle-aged husband to die of a heart attack on account of it rudely and abruptly awakened him from his dead baby slumber” testimonials; THAT’s more like it!

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Postscript: Well THERE’s your problem – it’s a “NIGHT Hawk” smoke/carbon monoxide alarm; next time I’ll buy the DAY Hawk smoke/carbon monoxide alarm – D’oh!

smokedetector

Common Core Edumacating

Merry Festivus and Happy Syphilis from Dick Jones! Dick & Peggy had the pleasure of hosting a Christmas Fete last night – Dick did his part to “Keep The Christ In Christmas” by speaking his name multiple times throughout the day; to wit: “Jesus H. Christ this place is a mess – where do I start?” and “Oh Christ – they’re gonna be here in an hour!” just to name a few…

Despite my best efforts, the party went off without a hitch – until the discussion turned to one of our guest’s discussion of “Common Core” as a teaching method here in Kalifornia. Of course, being child FREE, I wasn’t even remotely aware of this. He tried to ‘splain it to me, but being hopelessly ignorant, mired in my 50 some-odd year old methodology of learning (or NOT learning), he got nowhere, so he recommended doing a Google Search, which I did today:

http://www.ijreview.com/2014/05/137962-common-core-approach-solving-basic-math-problem-doesnt-confuse-congrats/

So, there it is – though I will submit that this method is not “new” at ALL; here’s Ma & Pa Kettle explaining Common Core Math back in the 1930’s:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8XMeocLflc

I’d euthanize myself, but I can’t seem to get the dosage amount right…

Come Again – Again – AGAIN?!

Just when Dick Jones thought he’d seen, heard, and read it ALL (see below two blog entries), then THIS comes along – strap yourselves in before you click onto THIS ride, kids:

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/canada/transgender-father-stefonknee-wolschtt-leaves-family-in-toronto-to-start-new-life-as-six-year-old-girl/ar-BBnwBdj

Jay-Zus Christ on crutches! There has GOT to be an island somewhere for these people; scratch that – there has got to be an island somewhere for ME! Pardon me while I go take a “brain enema” – there’s no more room left in MY Gulliver for THIS kinda SHITE!

On second thought, I think I’ll just dig out my plastic toy soldiers and settle into a good game of “fantasy war” – after “transgendering” those soldiers that express the NEED for same w/my Exacto knife, and cross-dressing where appropriate…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXKeNKvl-J4

Come Again – Again?!

O.K. – I read this one THREE times, and I’m still not quite sure WHAT happened, what anyone THOUGHT happened, and what’s GOING to happen:

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-35105980

First off, there’s more NAMES in that story than in Rhode Island – I had to draw up a freakin’ FLOW CHART just to try and figger out exactly WHO was doing WHAT with a prosthetic penis to WHO. And perhaps more importantly – who gets to keep the “penis-suit”, I wanna know?

It’s too bad our hero/heroine got a suspended sentence – I think it would have been FAR more appropriate if the he-she served an equal amount of time in both Women’s AND Men’s institutions, WITH the penis-suit of course. Perhaps then the he-she would be able to make up his-her mind; at a MINIMUM, a good time would be had by all! I can’t help but feel that “euthanasia” is an underlying solution to EVERYONE involved’s issue(s) here – who’s with Dick Jones on this one?

Come Again?

Let’s just start right in with today’s offering, shall we?

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-34897404

Now, Dick Jones is all for using the name that your parents served up to you – after all, it’s a bit tedious to get in the car (or rickshaw), drive down to the courthouse, plunk down your $50.00 (or 1,107,410.00 Vietnamese Dong) to “fix” whatever name you’ve been served up, if it no longer suits you – just ask Caitlyn Jenner, right?

And sure, I get that perhaps the pronunciation may differ from what the name APPEARS as if it should SOUND; hey, I saw “Young Frankenstein”!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxxSIX3fmmo

But in Mssr. Bich’s case, wouldn’t you maybe give it a second thought? J’es sayin’…