The Goddess Of Battery Failures, Part Deux…

Soooo…Sleeping like a dead baby this AM, when the GOD-DAMNED smoke detector (one of about 12 “detectors” that we have in this house – between smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, methane gas detectors, leaking water heater detectors, and full litterbox alert detectors; all of which are required BY LAW here in Kalifornia) that was UPSTAIRS (read: “Bring a Ladder, Shithead!”) started alerting us to its “Low Battery” status – at 4:38AM!

I say again: “Why do these MOTHER FUCKING PIECES OF CHEEN-WA SHIT never EVER start begging for battery replacement during a man’s WAKING HOURS I wanna know?! It’s on the kitchen counter now, waiting for me to WIRE BRUSH the fucking CHINESE metal contacts, which are ALREADY corroded to a nice green patina due to the fact that the metallurgy/plating that they use over there is fucking SHITE! It’s less than a year old, for the record.

Instead of all the “Our smoke detector saved our LIVES!” testimonials, how ‘bout “That God-Damned low battery alert on our smoke detector caused my middle-aged husband to die of a heart attack on account of it rudely and abruptly awakened him from his dead baby slumber” testimonials; THAT’s more like it!


Postscript: Well THERE’s your problem – it’s a “NIGHT Hawk” smoke/carbon monoxide alarm; next time I’ll buy the DAY Hawk smoke/carbon monoxide alarm – D’oh!



Common Core Edumacating

Merry Festivus and Happy Syphilis from Dick Jones! Dick & Peggy had the pleasure of hosting a Christmas Fete last night – Dick did his part to “Keep The Christ In Christmas” by speaking his name multiple times throughout the day; to wit: “Jesus H. Christ this place is a mess – where do I start?” and “Oh Christ – they’re gonna be here in an hour!” just to name a few…

Despite my best efforts, the party went off without a hitch – until the discussion turned to one of our guest’s discussion of “Common Core” as a teaching method here in Kalifornia. Of course, being child FREE, I wasn’t even remotely aware of this. He tried to ‘splain it to me, but being hopelessly ignorant, mired in my 50 some-odd year old methodology of learning (or NOT learning), he got nowhere, so he recommended doing a Google Search, which I did today:

So, there it is – though I will submit that this method is not “new” at ALL; here’s Ma & Pa Kettle explaining Common Core Math back in the 1930’s:

I’d euthanize myself, but I can’t seem to get the dosage amount right…

Come Again – Again – AGAIN?!

Just when Dick Jones thought he’d seen, heard, and read it ALL (see below two blog entries), then THIS comes along – strap yourselves in before you click onto THIS ride, kids:

Jay-Zus Christ on crutches! There has GOT to be an island somewhere for these people; scratch that – there has got to be an island somewhere for ME! Pardon me while I go take a “brain enema” – there’s no more room left in MY Gulliver for THIS kinda SHITE!

On second thought, I think I’ll just dig out my plastic toy soldiers and settle into a good game of “fantasy war” – after “transgendering” those soldiers that express the NEED for same w/my Exacto knife, and cross-dressing where appropriate…

Come Again – Again?!

O.K. – I read this one THREE times, and I’m still not quite sure WHAT happened, what anyone THOUGHT happened, and what’s GOING to happen:

First off, there’s more NAMES in that story than in Rhode Island – I had to draw up a freakin’ FLOW CHART just to try and figger out exactly WHO was doing WHAT with a prosthetic penis to WHO. And perhaps more importantly – who gets to keep the “penis-suit”, I wanna know?

It’s too bad our hero/heroine got a suspended sentence – I think it would have been FAR more appropriate if the he-she served an equal amount of time in both Women’s AND Men’s institutions, WITH the penis-suit of course. Perhaps then the he-she would be able to make up his-her mind; at a MINIMUM, a good time would be had by all! I can’t help but feel that “euthanasia” is an underlying solution to EVERYONE involved’s issue(s) here – who’s with Dick Jones on this one?

Come Again?

Let’s just start right in with today’s offering, shall we?

Now, Dick Jones is all for using the name that your parents served up to you – after all, it’s a bit tedious to get in the car (or rickshaw), drive down to the courthouse, plunk down your $50.00 (or 1,107,410.00 Vietnamese Dong) to “fix” whatever name you’ve been served up, if it no longer suits you – just ask Caitlyn Jenner, right?

And sure, I get that perhaps the pronunciation may differ from what the name APPEARS as if it should SOUND; hey, I saw “Young Frankenstein”!

But in Mssr. Bich’s case, wouldn’t you maybe give it a second thought? J’es sayin’…