…My new career awaits – who knew? DJ: “Detective, in answer to your query, Mr. Sykes claims to live on 1313 Sparrow Fart Lane – next question…”
Author: dickjamesjones
In Light Of…
…all the recent discussions/allegations/accusations/admissions & denials about sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, and sexual assault by virtually EVERYONE who can SPELL “Hollywood”, Dick Jones invites you to caption this photo:
Another Harvey Weinstein Sexual Assault Victim…
…comes forward; this particular “individual” may have been the victim of the MOST oft-repeated assaults by Mr. Weinstein. Specifically, it’s Harvey Weinstein’s right hand. You read it here first – “Mr. Hand”, as he prefers to be called, claims repeated, humiliating, and shameless non-consensual sexual abuse by Mr. Weinstein dating back to the late 1950’s! Prior to this, he has been reluctant to come forward and be heard, claiming that, while he has indeed been a victim more times and for a longer period than anyone else who has come forward to-date, Mr. Hand indicates that each individual act of abuse was both “short in time”, and quite unobtrusive in terms of “penetration”. Authorities are investigating Mr. Hand’s claims, but indicate that there “may be something” to Mr. Hand’s claim; stay tuned, fair readers!
The Fat Bastard-Harvey Weinstein Connection
Could Harvey Weinstein be Fat Bastard’s Doppelganger? Dick Jones offers up these two images – YOU be the judge…
Dick Jones Says: Drink Plenty Of Fluids!
…and recycle please!
Now pardon Mssr. Jones while he makes an appointment to have 90% of his brain removed, in order to possibly make sense of this…
There’s an irony here somewhere
A Crushing Story!”
Please join Dick Jones in crying (crocodile) tears at the passing of this Macho Big Game Hunter – hopefully his head wasn’t damaged and can be saved for mounting on the family of the dead elephant’s wall in THEIR “trophy room”:
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/theunis-botha-big-game-hunter-10473910
Dick Jones would like to thank his Irish drinking buddy, fellow animal lover, ancestor to a Viking, and honorary dirty Hungarian gypsy-to-be for alerting him to this story!
Three Words…
What. The. FUCK?!
It’s clear – as MUD!
Peggy & I, after ~4 years’ deliberation, FINALLY made our decision for a dining room table light to replace the CEILING FAN that the original owner had suspended from the 20′ ceiling when the house was built in 1994.
A ceiling fan – REALLY?! I don’t know about anyone ELSE, but unless you’re prone to serving your victuals NUCLEAR HOT, I for one am not apt to want a fan DIRECTLY over my dining room table…
I won’t get into the NIGHTMARE that was “the fan de-installation” and the subsequent light installation – all from the TWENTY FOOT CEILING; we’ll leave THAT whole ‘nuther Oprah for a future entry!
What I would like to call your attention to is the fine “Instruction Sheet” that accompanied the VERY expensive, Made-In-Our-Mother-Country-Of-Chin-Wa light. Please enjoy – feel free to scratch your ball sack in confusion while reading:
This was the ONLY installation instructions that accompanied the lamp! Luckily, ole’ DJ is no stranger to installing shit; furthermore, he IS a stranger to “rotted detergent”. Hopefully, whoever wrote this tome isn’t also writing menus for your favorite Chinese restaurant…
The Jack Boot Squad Strikes Again!
Dick Jones is sure that everyone with a pulse has seen this video by now:
http://money.cnn.com/2017/04/11/investing/united-airlines-stock-passenger-flight-video/index.html
Now I ain’t no mathematician, but I would call that “an expensive seat-clearing” for United Airlines – can you say “Chapter 11?” Lemme see – stock position down ONE BILLION DOLLARS the day after – I’m guessing that the Stormtroopers shown in the video will be looking elsewhere for the future funds required to keep up with their respective twice-monthly testosterone shots doncha know…
But wait – ‘dere’s MAAWWW…!!! These moronic apes picked a DOCTOR to tune up; can you say STAGGERING LAWSUIT? Dick Jones is guessing that the prestigious Chicago law firm of Dewey, Cheatum & Howe is drawing up the paperwork as he types. Furthermore, I betcha that there are a WHOLE LOTTA United Airlines flight crew resumes in copy machines right about now…
Here’s a tip for everyone who reads this – when you close the front door of your house, condo, refrigerator box, or wherever you happen to stay, just ASSUME that someBODY is recording you – so don’t scratch your ball sack, and maybe hold off on beating the bloody SHITE outta somebody that you don’t take a shine to, or who you might otherwise wanna show how tough you are – can ya’ hear me NOW, Officer Forearms?!
Dick Jones 