United Airlines – you might already know them as the airline that will implement a delightful “makeover” to you if you refuse to change seats – Dick Jones covered THIS goat fuck not too long ago: https://dickjamesjones.wordpress.com/2017/04/12/the-jack-boot-squad-strikes-again/
As part of their new “Up, Up, & Away To Heaven” promotion, United Airlines is now offering FREE OF CHARGE to euthanize that pesky pet of yours! For a limited time only on any domestic United Airlines Flight, one of their helpful & courteous flight attendants will gladly step in and INSIST on putting your beloved pet in a hot, stuffy, asphyxiating overhead bin for the duration of your flight.
Upon arrival, they will then remove your now dead pet, arrange to have it cremated, and its ashes delivered to your doorstep at no charge to you! Furthermore, if you “squirt a few” on network television, they’ll even reimburse you for your flight expenses – what WILL they think of next?!
Dick Jones hereby gives a “tip of the hat” to United Airlines for their continued ingenuity – let’s watch those profits SOAR, shall we?