The Goddess Of Battery Failures, Part Deux…

Soooo…Sleeping like a dead baby this AM, when the GOD-DAMNED smoke detector (one of about 12 “detectors” that we have in this house – between smoke detectors, carbon monoxide detectors, methane gas detectors, leaking water heater detectors, and full litterbox alert detectors; all of which are required BY LAW here in Kalifornia) that was UPSTAIRS (read: “Bring a Ladder, Shithead!”) started alerting us to its “Low Battery” status – at 4:38AM!

I say again: “Why do these MOTHER FUCKING PIECES OF CHEEN-WA SHIT never EVER start begging for battery replacement during a man’s WAKING HOURS I wanna know?! It’s on the kitchen counter now, waiting for me to WIRE BRUSH the fucking CHINESE metal contacts, which are ALREADY corroded to a nice green patina due to the fact that the metallurgy/plating that they use over there is fucking SHITE! It’s less than a year old, for the record.

Instead of all the “Our smoke detector saved our LIVES!” testimonials, how ‘bout “That God-Damned low battery alert on our smoke detector caused my middle-aged husband to die of a heart attack on account of it rudely and abruptly awakened him from his dead baby slumber” testimonials; THAT’s more like it!

***

Postscript: Well THERE’s your problem – it’s a “NIGHT Hawk” smoke/carbon monoxide alarm; next time I’ll buy the DAY Hawk smoke/carbon monoxide alarm – D’oh!

smokedetector

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