“Diet & Exercise” – Fuck YOU!

I don’t know WHAT a person above the age of 55 has to do to “actually” LOSE weight, but whatever it IS, I ain’t doin’ it; at least not as fast as I would LIKE to be doin’ it! Now I know why there’s so many fat fuckin’ pie-wagons my age walking the Earth – ’cause they just fuckin’ give UP!

I tried to do ONE “man pushup” yesterday after working up to 24 “girl pushups”(knees on floor) per day within a three week progression – collapsed flat on my face!

Insult to injury – my recumbent exercise bike that I have been riding 5 days/week – 50 minutes/day for the last three weeks decided to do a “pile on” on top of my aborted pushup, and the “Random Course” that I selected seemed more like “The Swiss Alp Climb” – served up from the bowels of the machine, straight to my legs & lungs.

Four “Everest Mountains” (maximum resistance for 30 seconds), with “close to Everest” hills on each side of ’em. Pulse rate got up to 143, felt dizzy, heart felt like it was going to burst from its cage out onto the Stainmaster Carpet – but Jones said “FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKIN’ FUCK!” and pressed on, leaving it on Level 13 through the entire 50 minute ride. I believe that I soiled my britches just a bit after the 4th Everest; didn’t look though – just threw my u-trou in the washing machine straightaway upon ride completion. Some things are better off not known…

Diet-wise, DJ has been subsisting on three 150 calorie/serving protein drinks each day, along with two 40 calorie/cake rice cakes (read: congealed CARDBOARD), followed by a salad for dinner. That’s right, fair readers – NO meat; despite my continual self-query as to why EXACTLY my ancestors clawed their way to the top of the dinosaur-killing & eating food chain to find ME eating THIS shite!

I succumbed to temptation last night when Peggy waved a juicy patty melt in front of my salivating maw – got on the scales this morning to be greeted with a whopping FIVE pound weight loss for my three weeks of working out like a fiend and eating like a sparrow!

And Dick Jones is doing this WHY?! So he’s the oldest, fittest dude in the Nursing Home – with the leg strength to lift HIMSELF up when the orderly shoves that bedpan under his narrah’ white ass! Fuck THIS – Domino’s delivers!

ScreenHunter_321 Sep. 17 08.09

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