Sitting Will KILL You!

Now don’t THIS beat all:

I’m just sitting here reading this, scratchin’ me gulliver—luckily, all this “sitting” that I’ve been doing hasn’t kilt me YET, so I guess it’s time to adapt some changes ’round here; to wit:

1). Shit standing up—Haven’t worked out all the fine details of this one yet, but I’m thinking about just taking the lid offa the cats’ litterbox—if I then lean backwards a bit, it just might work…

2). Take the seats out of my old SUV—No WAY I’m a-gonna DRIVE sitting down; GeezFuckin’Chris! I’ll have to drop the floor quite a bit—I guess I’ll just cut out a 2′ square section of the floor on each side, and weld in a “drop box”; yep, I can pitcher it…

3). Turn the TV upside down on its stand, remove both recliners, and install a bar ~7′ off the floor across the entire living room, that Peggy and I can hang from with gravity boots…

Let’s you’s & I go down this little road a bit and see where it gets us, O.K.? Standing airline pilots, standing bus drivers, standing judges/juries (BTW—I have a summons to appear for Jury Duty next month—you can better be sure that I’m gonna take a copy of this article with me, advising the selection committee that I will ABSOLUTELY need to have provisions made so that I can STAND in the jury box; think I’ll be excused from Jury Duty?) Another thing that keeps popping into my addled brain—what about all the poor wheelchair-bound folks reading this, I wanna know? I guess they’re busy euthanizing themselves as I type…

In closing, I must INSIST that all my readers STAND when reading this Blog from now on—your health is my PRIMARY concern!


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