Permission To Kill The Guy…

…that invented those GOD-DAMNED rubber-nubbed yellow “speed bump strips” that sprang up virtually OVERNIGHT outside of EVERY Mutha-Fuckin’ retail establishment that has shopping carts (“Buggies” for you Southern Folk); I mean—REALLY?! Were “runaway shopping carts” THAT much of a problem I wanna know?

Since Peggy “works a real job”, then “somebody” has to do pretty much all of the shopping here in the Jones household; that SOMEBODY is ME.

So I come outta the grocery store last week, a dozen eggs (I THOUGHT) safely sequestered in their nice Styrofoam conveyance—the one that got them intact on their long journey from outta the chicken’s ass, then a few hunnert miles in the back of a tractor trailer, into the store, onto the shelf, into my cart, through the checkout line, back into the cart—then OVER that testicle-jarring berm strip; as I was unloading the victuals into the back of my old SUV, there’s the egg carton, LEAKING from a broken egg! And yeah—I’m one of those people that checks EVERY fuckin’ egg in a given carton of eggs BEFORE I put it in my cart, thanks for asking…

Those fuckin’ strips—what’s WITH those things ANYWAY?! I’ll bet that I personally have been to the grocery store and/or someplace where I wheeled a “buggy” out to my vehicle at LEAST 15,000 times in my 58 years on this ball o’ shite—I can’t remember NEVER EVER “losing control of my shopping cart” (discuss amongst yourselves); have YOU? Put that item FIRMLY in the “Solutions to problems you never knew you HAD” checklist.

Oh yeah—let’s not EVEN get into the tooth-rattling, filling-loosening shock waves that occur as you go OVER those fuckin’ things; reminds me of the old wooden roller coaster at Coney Island—makes me want to LET GO of the freakin’ cart and LET it “run away” momentarily.

Thanks, you nameless RETARD; I hope your legs grow together!


3 thoughts on “Permission To Kill The Guy…

  1. Uh, Dick…dem der nubbitsis is fo’ da blind so they don’t be wanderin’ out in front of your pre-war SUV since there’s no curb to let them know they’re at the “end of the road”. FWIW.

  2. I can’t EVEN remember the last time I saw an unaccompanied blind person in the grocery – I’d say that if there WAS an unaccompanied blind person in the grocery, they’d have worse problems facing them than pushing their carts out to their(?) cars – like making “informed” purchases; never mind how they’re gonna “actually” DRIVE home once they get their carts out to their vehicles. Am I missing something here?

  3. That surface is called tactile paving and it’s been in wide use for 20+ years.

    It only takes ONE blind person coming to the grocery and fucking himself up to put a serious dent in the bottom line of the business/insurance company. It’s all about money – not safety in this here SoCal state of mind/e. Spend a “little” now and save a lot later. Never mind the 999 of 1000 for whom it will be an annoyance or create a trip hazard.

    You never really notice how many people drive the exact same car as you – regardless of how scarce it may be – until you own one. Have a look around and you’ll realize there are a lot more blind people in YOUR neighborhood than you think, Dick…

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