“I tell you what we’re NOT gonna do…”

I’ve got a super-duper Miele vacuum cleaner that’ll suck the eyes out of a parrot, ’cause I AM the Hungarian Houseboy and all.

I had it out in the living room the other day after finishing a hard day’s work cleaning (O.K. – a hard 90 minutes of cleaning) when my doorbell rang; the next door neighbor wanted to borrow a white onion – she was making dinner for her hubbie and her 12 year old son.

I couldn’t help her with the onion, but as she was leaving, she fixed her eyes on my vacuum. I didn’t think too much of it, since it IS a pretty fancy unit, plus it’s bright blue. After a minute of studying on it, she turned to me and said: “Would you mind if I borrowed your vacuum cleaner? Ours is broken, and it’s getting pretty “fluffy” over there, if you know what I mean.” I did, since they have a fine golden retriever – “Be my guest!” I replied…

Two days later, the doorbell rang again – Mrs. Neighbor, with vacuum in tote. After thanking me for the “loan”, I asked her how it went.

“Well, lemme tell ya’ JUST how it went, Dick. I was vacuuming out our son Tommy’s room, when I saw something kinda poking out between his mattress & box spring. I turned the vacuum off, went over to check it out, and pulled out an S&M magazine! It was real hardcore too; specifically, a German bondage magazine! As I flipped through the first few pages, I was SLACK-JAWED at the imagery; Jesus Christ, Tommy is only twelve years old, for goodness sake! I didn’t quite know WHAT to do, so I just slid it back into place about the way it was.

When Ryan (her husband, and Tommy’s dad) got home that night, I quickly took him aside: “Honey, you’ll never believe what I found in young Tommy’s bedroom today when I was vacuuming it out; there, in-between the mattress and boxspring, I found an S&M magazine! Frankly, I was SHOCKED at the content – Geez, he’s only 12 years old! I’m at a loss here honey – I don’t even know where to START – what in the world are we gonna DO?”

He paused for a minute, stroking his chin and scratching his head while he tried to contemplate the entirety of the situation…”Well, I tell you what we’re NOT gonna do – we’re not gonna SPANK him!”

Smart man making a wise decision – I wonder what they did with the magazine… : -))


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