Most Dogs Are MORONS!

I know I’m gonna take some heat for this, but it’s TRUE! I’m sitting here on a BEAUTIFUL, idyllic SoCal morning — doors & windows wide-ass open, gentle breeze flowing through the house, barely perceptible scent of “ocean” wafting through my nostrils — and a fucking dog barking INCESSANTLY, over & over & over & OVER!

What in the BLUE FUCK is it barking at, I wanna know?! It’s onna them “Scottie Dogs” — the owner is an El Lay motorcycle cop, and leaves the same time every AM; but not before he puts that fucking fool creature OUT in his yard — Thanks neighbor! And that retarded son of a bitch animal will take to barking as soon as the sun comes up — the same “ARF-ARF-arf-arf”, repeated 152 THOUSAND times until Johnny Law comes home at night.

Just exactly WHAT does that “little forehead — little brain”, gape-mouthed moron think it’s accomplishing — other than to surely piss off each & all neighbors within earshot; who must like me, be wishing, praying, and maybe even whispering to Satan hissownself for a lightning-strike aneurysm to the carotid artery of that worthless beast, in exchange for “futures” on their respective soul(s) — in barter for just a FEW more years of bark free BLISS…

And it’s not just this ONE mutha-fucking four-legged megaphone-mouthed ball of worthless shite neither —Peggy & I are “Open House Whores”; we go to ~3-5 Open Houses about every weekend. And after each open house, I park myself outside for ~15 minutes afterwards, and wait…

75%+ of the time, my “pause” is greeted with — that’s right — ANOTHER dog, barking incessantly at NOTHING (at least nothing of any SIGNIFICANCE) — “Check THIS house off the list, Miss Peggy!” I mean — if one of my CATS meowed all day long, I would assume that there was something GRIEVOUSLY wrong with it, and take it to the vet’s. Even my one cat looked outside in the direction of this non-stop blathering this AM, then looked at me as if to say “Whaaaa…???” He don’t get it neither, and he ain’t the Al Einstein of the Feline World, I might add…

So all you dog owners, go ahead — buy a Voodoo Doll in the likeness of Dick Jones and start sticking pins in it; it can’t POSSIBLY punish me any MORE than that miserable cacophony that’s rattling around in the free space between my ears!

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