I suspect (or BLAME!) my lifetime association with felines as being reason #1 for being a middle-aged slacker! In retrospect, cats are THE most perfectly-evolved slackers on the planet Earth; to wit:
- They sleep 80% of their lives away, with absolutely NO guilty feelings about same.
- They park themselves WHERE they want to, WHEN they want to, and DEFY you to say/do anything about it.
- They eat and drink when they want to.
- They play when they want to, with whatever the hell they feel like playing with, for as long as they feel like playing with that thing; then, as quickly as they “fell in love” with whatever plaything that THEY decided to play with, they fall OUT of love with same, never to play with it again; they are the WORLD EXPERTS at changing their minds.
- They dole out EXACTLY as much love & attention as they NEED to, when THEY want to, to stay in their owners’ good graces.
I mean — the housecat is HIGHLY evolved over thousands of years — they go back to Egyptian times, f’er Chrissakes! And jog my memory here — can anyone point me to a single instance of a “Service Cat”? Service Dogs — hell, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of THOSE stupid “Slave Creatures”! They LIVE to PLEASE; the perfect example of “Career Overachievers”!
But cats? “Who can be BOTHERED” — the attitude they virtually EXUDE! Even a Slacker Dog might say to you “I’ll get to that later”, or even in the EXTREME case — “I’ll get to that tomorrow-the-next-day-I-don’t-know”. But a Slacker Cat says — “I’ll get to that in my NEXT lifetime, MAY-BE”; in the meantime, shut the fuck up and go buy me an expensive toy that I won’t play with…”
Hey — I’m not gonna go on and on about this; you can find enough stuff on the Interweb about cats to last 9 lifetimes! My purpose here today is to make a simple observation, and by doing so, to do what it seems that EVER’ONE is good at these days — “Passing The Blame”.
So there you have it — It’s not MY fault that I’m a middle-aged slacker — it’s because of my lifetime association with cats. Now pardon me while I go take a catnap — right after I buy an expensive watch that I’ll fall out of love with in a few weeks…