Confessions of a Watchaholic

ScreenHunter_16 Jul. 20 09.26

Yep, that’s me — Certified, certifi-ABLE Watchaholic!

What does that mean EXACTLY, you wanna know? Well, since you AXED an’ all, here’s what it is, EXACTLY and in a nutshell — “If I get JUST that ONE MORE watch, THEN my life will be COMPLETE…”

And I am CATEGORICALLY not ALONE here — I give you www.watchrecon.com.

For those of you that are too lazy or too disinterested to click on that link, lemme ‘splain it, Lucy. “Watch Recon” is a Search Engine. Doncha just LOVE that term?! It sounds SO masculine and strong, I get all goose-pimply just saying it — “Search Engine”; somehow it gives all my couch-locked days meaning & purpose. “I’d love to help you with those dishes Peggy, but I’m busy running a Search Engine right now…”

It polls almost EVERY Watch Forum/Venue in the World (the entire Universe is next year) and exhibits the results with a brief title/description, price, and single .jpg of the watch — updated about every 15-20 minutes, ALL DAY, EVER’ DAY, 24/7.

Looking for a specific watch? No problem, there’s even a search engine WITHIN the Watch Recon search engine!

As a result, Watch Recon LIVES on my confuser ALL my waking hours — I refresh it at least 152 times/day! It has watches for sale/trade that I didn’t even know EXISTED — and once I see certain of them, I just can not LIVE without them!

It’s a “World of Imagination” — isn’t it, fair readers? We gladly pay too much money for a car with too much horsepower/luxury/status, to convey to those around us that we are rich/successful/retired Grand Prix drivers; same goes with watches, times TEN!

I mean — just exactly how many “Dive Watches” get within the same zip code as a body of water big enough to “dive into”? I would bet that not one dive watch in 100,000 ever sees a freakin’ SWIMMING POOL; that goes double for chronographs and race car drivers/pilots!

But us menfolk like the ASSOCIATION with deep sea divers, race car drivers, and pilots, and we do the Walter Mitty Thang ever’ single morning when we strap our “tool watch” on — “Well, gotta go to work bringing up that pirate shipwreck, Peggy — see you next week; no autographs today PLEASE! Well, O.K. — maybe I got time for a quickie before I shove off…”

What’s particularly humorous (or SAD, depending on your perspective) is that for a day, week, month, or occasionally even a YEAR after that shiny new tool watch arrives and you strap it on for the first time — you become dizzy with love; you life is now COMPLETE! You ARE “The Man”!

You look at all the other watches in your watch box with varying degrees of indifference, disdain, and even vitrolic HATRED — “What in the BLUE FUCK was *I* thinkin’ when I bought THAT watch?!” So the others languish quietly and shamefully in your watchbox, until the day comes when you can’t STAND that particular watch any more — then out comes the camera, and onto the Watch Forum(s) goes the listing(s) — until that happy day when some other yuck sees it and HAS to have it to complete HIS fantasy identity — then out da’ d’oh it goes, and you look lovingly at the “space” in your watchbox that said watch USED to occupy — you now love that EMPTY SPACE more than you ever loved the watch, you think!

Then, just like it says on the shampoo bottle (by analogy) “Lather, Rinse, Repeat” — the cycle starts all over again! “Holy crap — just LOOK at THAT watch! If I only had that ONE watch, THEN my life would be complete…”

I wonder if aliens wear watches?

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